Tag Archives: blogging

Photographers Beware: Do Not Read, This WILL Infuriate You

15 Mar

After publishing some photographs that I took in Paris last week, I was overwhelmed by the positive comments and feedback that I received upon releasing them into the blogging world. Some called them ‘inspirational’ and booked their trips to the City of Light, others ‘delightful’ and if memory serves, I believe the pictures even received a ‘stunning’ or two.

Now, I don’t like to toot my own horn, but even I have to agree that those pictures were pretty awesome. Toot toot!

To add to the flattery, once the post was published I also received several emails and Facebook queries from curious readers and ‘real’ photographers who were intrigued enough to solicit a little more information from me, such as: Did I freelance? Was I in Paris to shoot? What equipment did I use? And of course, all of these questions were speckled with an assortment of photography abbreviations: SLR, WCon, OOF, OC.

Admittedly, upon reading those abbreviations, one of my own immediately sprung to mind: WTF. As in, WTF do those abbreviations mean? As I’m sure it has now become abundantly clear, I am not a professional photographer (gasp) and quite frankly, the only SLR that I have ever heard of is a Mercedes Benz.

Now, this is the part that is really going to infuriate the professional photographers out there, the ones who spend thousands of dollars on high tech photographic equipment and who really know what SLR means… The truth is, I actually shot my photos with none other than my plain old iPhone 4s. Albeit, a blinged-out one. And furthermore, half of those photos were actually taken from the passenger seat of a moving Renault.

There, I said it.

I know, OMG.

I’ll admit, it probably would have been fun to masquerade as a professional photographer who could boast complex equipment for at least a little while, but alas, in the end I just couldn’t take the credit away from my trusty little iPhone. Granted, sometimes I wish I could ring Siri’s neck (pun intended), but then I think of all of the good times that we’ve shared: The drunken texts it has sent for me. The banking it has allowed me to do which has funded those nights in which the drunken texts were sent. And not to mention of course, the fabulous little blinged-out cover that it wears for me, purely to make me look cute, even though it knows that wearing diamonds before noon is tacky.

Here is one more photo, shot from my blinged-out iPhone, just for good measure:

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10 Cliches That Just Don’t Work

29 Feb

As a new blogger, I recently lay awake in bed one night mulling over ideas on what to write about for a fabulous new post. Surely I could think of something truly spectacular, I told myself. Nothing is impossible, right?

At first, ideas were slow to come to me, but I reminded myself that patience is a virtue. And good things come to those who wait. Eventually, the ideas started to flood in, and I decided then and there not to dwell on any one idea for too long, because after all, time is money, and it just wouldn’t have been good for the creative process. So I set to work, sorting the jewels from the junk.

All of a sudden, an idea hit me like a ton of bricks. I’d write about cliches! After considering this for a moment, I concluded that it might be a difficult topic to tackle since I never use them in my writing, ever, but I’d write about the reason why I don’t use them – because they’re stupid. And because they just don’t work.

Now, I didn’t want to count my chickens before they had hatched, but I knew that I had stumbled upon a pretty awesome topic, one that many people would appreciate. So, I wrote down a list of stupid cliches, the ones that just don’t work.

Here are the top 10:

1. You can’t have your cake and eat it too – Actually, you can. I can’t think of a time that I’ve ever had a piece of cake in my possession that I have not eaten. Cake stores would go out of business if this were true.

2. Rules were meant to be broken – Not true. Here is one rule that should never be broken: Don’t wear Crocs in public. There, I said it.

3. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me – I once took part in a social media app where I had to submit a photo of myself so that it could reveal the name of the celebrity who I looked most like. It told me that I looked like Robert De Niro… I’m a girl.

4. Run while you still can – Offensive to people in wheelchairs everywhere.

5. Don’t cry over spilt milk – I’ve never cried over spilt milk, nor do I know of anyone else who has. Ever. Sure, I may have used profanity when I’ve spilt it, but never in the company of anyone else… ‘If only these walls could talk’.

6. Friends are forever – Really? Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky.

7. Sink or swim – The person who invented pool floaties would punch you in the face if they heard that you were only giving those two options.

8. Laughter is life’s best medicine – If you’re poor. Otherwise real medicine is obviously better.

9. When in doubt, start from the beginning – Obviously invented by the first slice of bread, in a poor attempt to get us to eat it.

10. Trust your instincts – Two words: Please Don’t. Sincerely, Divorce rates.

So, there you have it.

And now, back to bed to start thinking of my next topic. It’s an uphill battle… But I guess I’m a glutton for punishment!

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Crocs – Don’t do it.

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