10 Cliches That Just Don’t Work

29 Feb

As a new blogger, I recently lay awake in bed one night mulling over ideas on what to write about for a fabulous new post. Surely I could think of something truly spectacular, I told myself. Nothing is impossible, right?

At first, ideas were slow to come to me, but I reminded myself that patience is a virtue. And good things come to those who wait. Eventually, the ideas started to flood in, and I decided then and there not to dwell on any one idea for too long, because after all, time is money, and it just wouldn’t have been good for the creative process. So I set to work, sorting the jewels from the junk.

All of a sudden, an idea hit me like a ton of bricks. I’d write about cliches! After considering this for a moment, I concluded that it might be a difficult topic to tackle since I never use them in my writing, ever, but I’d write about the reason why I don’t use them – because they’re stupid. And because they just don’t work.

Now, I didn’t want to count my chickens before they had hatched, but I knew that I had stumbled upon a pretty awesome topic, one that many people would appreciate. So, I wrote down a list of stupid cliches, the ones that just don’t work.

Here are the top 10:

1. You can’t have your cake and eat it too – Actually, you can. I can’t think of a time that I’ve ever had a piece of cake in my possession that I have not eaten. Cake stores would go out of business if this were true.

2. Rules were meant to be broken – Not true. Here is one rule that should never be broken: Don’t wear Crocs in public. There, I said it.

3. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me – I once took part in a social media app where I had to submit a photo of myself so that it could reveal the name of the celebrity who I looked most like. It told me that I looked like Robert De Niro… I’m a girl.

4. Run while you still can – Offensive to people in wheelchairs everywhere.

5. Don’t cry over spilt milk – I’ve never cried over spilt milk, nor do I know of anyone else who has. Ever. Sure, I may have used profanity when I’ve spilt it, but never in the company of anyone else… ‘If only these walls could talk’.

6. Friends are forever – Really? Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky.

7. Sink or swim – The person who invented pool floaties would punch you in the face if they heard that you were only giving those two options.

8. Laughter is life’s best medicine – If you’re poor. Otherwise real medicine is obviously better.

9. When in doubt, start from the beginning – Obviously invented by the first slice of bread, in a poor attempt to get us to eat it.

10. Trust your instincts – Two words: Please Don’t. Sincerely, Divorce rates.

So, there you have it.

And now, back to bed to start thinking of my next topic. It’s an uphill battle… But I guess I’m a glutton for punishment!

20120229-013411.jpg

Crocs – Don’t do it.

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24 Responses to “10 Cliches That Just Don’t Work”

  1. adufresne1 February 29, 2012 at 12:36 am #

    I love this post, completly agree with it, they are so cliches are so stupid. I did a post about this a while ago, http://adufresne1.wordpress.com/2012/01/29/you-know-what-they-say/

    • The Awake List February 29, 2012 at 1:50 am #

      Thanks for the comment. Just read yours, loved it too!

  2. Tobi Riveldi February 29, 2012 at 1:10 am #

    Another great post. You’ve definitely got a new follower. Thanks for making me laugh today!

    • The Awake List February 29, 2012 at 1:51 am #

      You’re very welcome! Thanks for the kind comment.

  3. The Manic Magpie February 29, 2012 at 1:23 am #

    “There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel”? Right. But it’s usually the headlights of an oncoming vehicle. Loved your post! (And I absolutely agree about the Crocs)

    • The Awake List February 29, 2012 at 1:54 am #

      Thanks for your great comment! And for being in agreement about crocs! πŸ™‚

  4. classicconfusion February 29, 2012 at 1:29 am #

    Perfect post! I look forward to more πŸ™‚

  5. Louise Heskey February 29, 2012 at 3:40 am #

    I saw what you did there with your “uphill battle” and “glutton for punishment”. πŸ™‚ Very funny! had a chuckle about number 3. haha. xx

    • The Awake List February 29, 2012 at 7:26 am #

      Haha, #3 is a true story! Glad you got the last bit πŸ™‚

  6. frenchfry36 March 1, 2012 at 7:22 am #

    Good post – and thanks for visiting mine! πŸ™‚

  7. El Guapo March 1, 2012 at 5:11 pm #

    For the record, I like the ends of the bread loaf.
    And Crocs have no place in public life.

    • The Awake List March 1, 2012 at 5:47 pm #

      You like the ends of the bread loaf? Well, now I’ve heard everything. I moved to France solely because their bread of choice is the baguette – they have an aversion to sliced bread due to the end pieces. And I really don’t blame them.

      Thanks for your comment πŸ™‚

  8. sarsm March 1, 2012 at 6:45 pm #

    Really funny post. Thank goodness they don’t work. I mean, I would already be stuffed by number 1.

    • The Awake List March 1, 2012 at 8:26 pm #

      Thank you! Yes, number 1 is just crazy talk. πŸ™‚

  9. Tilly Bud March 2, 2012 at 2:32 pm #

    So funny! Number 10 is my favourite πŸ™‚

    • The Awake List March 2, 2012 at 7:21 pm #

      Number 10 simply had to be said πŸ™‚ Thanks for your comment!

  10. kato writes March 3, 2012 at 1:19 pm #

    I look forward to your list of cliches about the French…

    • The Awake List March 3, 2012 at 2:58 pm #

      Thanks for your comment! I’m sure there will be a lot to write about!

  11. ntexas99 March 3, 2012 at 7:37 pm #

    not sure how you found your way to my blog, but thanks for visiting

    had to laugh at several, but # 8 really hit me in the gut in a funny, and real way, especially since I have chronic knee pain and no amount of laughing makes it go away, but at least the laughter helps ease the discomfort when I can’t afford the buy the meds … okay, not really, but I usually try to laugh anyway because it uses up less water than crying, and here in south Texas, we’re serious about not wasting water πŸ™‚

    • The Awake List March 3, 2012 at 9:08 pm #

      Thanks for the comment! I found your blog on wordpress.com πŸ™‚ Glad it gave you a laugh!

  12. blogreader86 March 7, 2012 at 11:11 pm #

    I love love love this post! Sooo funny!

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