Archive | February, 2012

10 Cliches That Just Don’t Work

29 Feb

As a new blogger, I recently lay awake in bed one night mulling over ideas on what to write about for a fabulous new post. Surely I could think of something truly spectacular, I told myself. Nothing is impossible, right?

At first, ideas were slow to come to me, but I reminded myself that patience is a virtue. And good things come to those who wait. Eventually, the ideas started to flood in, and I decided then and there not to dwell on any one idea for too long, because after all, time is money, and it just wouldn’t have been good for the creative process. So I set to work, sorting the jewels from the junk.

All of a sudden, an idea hit me like a ton of bricks. I’d write about cliches! After considering this for a moment, I concluded that it might be a difficult topic to tackle since I never use them in my writing, ever, but I’d write about the reason why I don’t use them – because they’re stupid. And because they just don’t work.

Now, I didn’t want to count my chickens before they had hatched, but I knew that I had stumbled upon a pretty awesome topic, one that many people would appreciate. So, I wrote down a list of stupid cliches, the ones that just don’t work.

Here are the top 10:

1. You can’t have your cake and eat it too – Actually, you can. I can’t think of a time that I’ve ever had a piece of cake in my possession that I have not eaten. Cake stores would go out of business if this were true.

2. Rules were meant to be broken – Not true. Here is one rule that should never be broken: Don’t wear Crocs in public. There, I said it.

3. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me – I once took part in a social media app where I had to submit a photo of myself so that it could reveal the name of the celebrity who I looked most like. It told me that I looked like Robert De Niro… I’m a girl.

4. Run while you still can – Offensive to people in wheelchairs everywhere.

5. Don’t cry over spilt milk – I’ve never cried over spilt milk, nor do I know of anyone else who has. Ever. Sure, I may have used profanity when I’ve spilt it, but never in the company of anyone else… ‘If only these walls could talk’.

6. Friends are forever – Really? Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky.

7. Sink or swim – The person who invented pool floaties would punch you in the face if they heard that you were only giving those two options.

8. Laughter is life’s best medicine – If you’re poor. Otherwise real medicine is obviously better.

9. When in doubt, start from the beginning – Obviously invented by the first slice of bread, in a poor attempt to get us to eat it.

10. Trust your instincts – Two words: Please Don’t. Sincerely, Divorce rates.

So, there you have it.

And now, back to bed to start thinking of my next topic. It’s an uphill battle… But I guess I’m a glutton for punishment!

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Crocs – Don’t do it.

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